How to Make Your Mark

It’s been said that honesty is the best policy. When I was a kid my dad used to tell me that the most important thing in life is this: “say what you’ll do, and do what you say“. Society is rife with people who say one thing yet do another, particularly in the political world as evidenced by this campaign season. We see so many politicians making promises but few of them will keep those promises.

Honesty means backing up your words with solid action; it means telling the truth even when it’s not expedient for you. It means being a man or woman of your word - standing by your word! It means having solid character and integrity. It means being credible. It means not creating expectations you can’t fulfill. Honesty means making a mark that cannot be erased.

Many people fail to realize that self-esteem determines the quality of personal performance and the impact that one can have in the lives of those around him or her. We all have certain degrees of ’mini-self-esteems’ that govern each and every one of our activities. We have a self-esteem for relationships, a self-esteem for finances, a self-esteem for work ethic, a self-esteem for public speaking, a self-esteem for exercising, a self-esteem for social interaction, a self-esteem for spirituality, a self-esteem for recreation, a self-esteem for friendships, and a self-esteem for many other areas of our lives. Our self-esteem really means how we see ourselves. More than likely, you will always perform in a manner consistent with how you see yourself. High self-esteem is the secret key to making a mark.

A couple of years ago I used to listen to lots of different motivational audio-recordings. I haven’t done so for quite a while now but one of my favorite recordings was a tape that discussed the idea of momentum and it’s impact on our lives. I want to look at momentum today as the tempo that you live your life by. Your tempo in life determines your success and effectiveness. Tempo governs passion, passion generates motivation. If you want to increase your chances of success, increase the tempo of your life.

When I was a student in college, one of my favorite subjects was marketing. One of the main concepts that I learnt was that businesses succeed when they find a niche area in which they can concentrate their efforts. A niche area is simply a focused and targeted area of the market. Finding a niche enables a business to custom-tailor it’s marketing programs and products so that it can adequately serve the market for maximum gain. This concept can easily apply to our personal lives and the idea of making a mark.

If you will make a solid mark in life, you must find your niche. Your niche is that ’sweet spot’ that enables you to be your very best and operate at the highest level of performance and service. Your niche may also be referred to as your calling. If you have no idea what your calling is, spend some time in personal reflection. What are your strengths? Where do you enjoy serving? Talk to people around you about your strengths and weaknesses. Ask them for feedback regarding your performance. This will enable you to learn the things you do well. There are also many valuable tests that you can take to discover what your strengths are. Two that have been particularly useful to me are the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® (MBTI) personality inventory and the Clifton StrengthsFinder 2.0 assessment. Find your niche area and you will make a solid mark.

Most human beings have a tendency to prefer maintaining things as they are rather than embracing change. For some reason, people prefer staying where they have always been and doing what they have always done yet many of them want to see different results in their lives. Most people know that the key to getting different results is to embrace change but few want to do that. Encouraging them to change is like hitting a nerve with them. This is a good nerve to touch because the benefits will be immense. Make a mark today by hitting the nerve of encouraging people to grow.

Many times we get involved in situations where we are tempted to engage in so many trivial things that may not necessarily be beneficial to our passions in life. Sometimes these temptations can come from people who want you to join them in projects, activities or events that may not add value to who you are and what you are accomplishing with your life. Making a mark in life sometimes depends on being good at saying no to these distractions.

You have to get to a place whereby you clearly understand what your passions are and will not be sidetracked by tempting distractions that do not add value to your purpose. You cannot get ahead with your own goals if you are always saying yes to distractions, yes to tempting events, yes to someone else’s projects or yes to activities that have no value. You have to get to a place whereby you can say no to all these things (and more) without feeling guilty. Saying no can enable you to make a mark.

The key to success in life is the quality of our ideas. The more ideas you have, the more chances you have of producing some quality ideas. Ideas come to us from various sources. There are a variety of things one can do to fill the mind with good ideas. Most people find their ideas through reading. Make reading a daily habit. Read books that will inspire you to think big and to think more. Ideas can also come from colleagues. Engage with people who are making a difference and you will learn a lot from them. Mentors can also help with spurring your thinking to a higher level. Flood your mind with good ideas and you will set yourself up for success.

Humans are busy beings. One can even argue that we are human doings rather than human beings. We are always doing something. Our lives are crowded with many events, activities, tasks and duties that demand our time. We are always running from one engagement to another, from one obligation to another and from one responsibility to another. Given all that we have to do on a daily basis, the only way we can make a mark is by mastering our time. Time mastery comes with practice and experience. There are a variety of well known time mastery strategies that we can implement in order to make our actions and lives have more impact. These range from creating plans that guide our activities, making to-do lists, focusing on high value tasks and many more. Master your time and you will make a solid mark.   

This morning there was a pile of work on my desk that I had left yesterday hoping to be able to complete today. It was a significant amount of work, so I sat back and thought through how I was going to handle it. As I contemplated this, images started forming in my mind of exactly how I would approach the task. I began envisioning myself working diligently to complete the task ahead of me. A few short minutes later, the entire work was done.

Success and productivity in life come from this process of contemplating and envisioning one’s strategy. The key to having results is to take the time to contemplate exactly what you need to get done and then envisioning yourself working diligently at that task. Contemplation allows you to clearly define in your mind what you need to get done. This is essential because it enables you to focus on what matters most. Your vision allows you to develop a strategy that will be successful in giving you the results you want.

One of the main reasons why people fail to be, do and have all they could be, do and have is impatience. Many of us want to see the results of our efforts immediately and we fail to patiently wait for the results to develop. We end up throwing in the towel and getting started on something new, only to end up repeating the cycle again and again. Waiting can be challenging but it can also be rewarding.

If we will make a mark we must approach life with the mentality of farmers. Farmers sow the seed and then wait patiently for the seed to germinate and grow into a big plant. It is a law of life. We have to learn to patiently wait as our dreams develop. But waiting does not mean not acting. Farmers continually tend to their crop as they wait for the yield to come in. We need to be in a state of constant action as we wait patiently. Waiting can be rewarding.

Making a mark goes hand-in-hand with living a higher quality of life. In this post I want to look at four strategies that we can use to reap a higher quality of life. These strategies form the acronym REAP but the cool twist is that each strategy has five key words that start with the letter that represents that particular strategy. Let us explore these four strategies: 

1. Realize the Rewards of Rest, Recreation and Relaxation

A higher quality of life is one which is rewarded with adequate rest, recreation and relaxation. A reward only comes after effort has been put forth. The rewards of rest, relaxation and recreation should come only after you have given your very best at what you do. By realizing these rewards you make it possible to have continued success in life.

2. Engage the Energy of Empowerment, Effort and Excellence

The energy of empowerment, effort and excellence is the key to realizing the rewards above. You have to engage at a higher level in life in order to achieve a higher quality of life. Here’s a humorous way to think about it: the length of your empowerment, the width of your effort and the height of your excellence will determine the volume of quality of life that you experience.

3. Achieve the Advantage of Attention, Activity and Ambition

The advantage of attention is that it enables you to concentrate on the task and be productive. The advantage of activity is that it allows you to do a lot in a short period of time. The advantage of ambition is that it enables you to have a passion for pursuing that which will make a difference in your life. Work towards achieving these three advantages. 

4. Pursue the Potential of Preparation, Performance and People

Nothing makes you more effective than preparation. Nothing makes you more valuable than performance. Nothing is more important in life than people. A higher quality of life comes from preparing adequately, performing exceptionally and treating people extremely well. If you will pursue these, your potential will be greatly increased.

You can reap a higher quality of life. Apply these REAP strategies and you will definitely make a mark.   

Two days ago I posted some insights on what my mom taught me regarding sustaining and increasing a good reputation with the people around you. Early this morning she called me to chat and I informed her that I had put together that article. She was excited to hear about it and challenged me to put together a post on something that my dad had taught me. So, here it is:

When I was a kid my dad taught me that one of the most important things in life was to choose one’s associations wisely. Dad repeatedly said that bad company corrupts good character. He invested a lot of time in teaching me how to choose my associations wisely. I have endeavored to apply many of the lessons dad taught me regarding associations and have also picked up many good ideas from study and from mentors. Today I’d like to look at fourteen unique associations we can have in life. The first seven fall into the category of ‘bad company’ while the bottom seven are excellent associations which will help you make a solid mark.

BAD COMPANY

1. Miserable Associates - These are people who rob you of hope. They pollute the environment around you by covering it with misery. They thrive on the idea that misery loves company. If you are going to make a mark you must not give them the pleasure of your company.

2. Bitter Associates - These are drainers of motivation. They are always complaining and bitter about everything. They have a tendency to play victim when they run into difficult situations. They are negative about almost anything and will derail you by their negative attitude. 

3. Lazy Associates- These are enemies of the work ethic. They interfere with you every now and then and hinder you from focusing with what’s essential. Apathy is their motto and their number one craving is ‘taking things easy’. They dislike work and will beg you to be one of them.

4. Clinging Associates - These are zappers of energy. They sap vitality out of your life and practically stifle your passion. They are like pests draining you of the very essence of what makes you tick. They tick you off by denying you the pleasure of pursuing that which makes you come alive. 

5. Small-Minded Associates - These are destroyers of vision. They think small and have no goals beyond thinking small. Their low quality of thinking doesn’t enable them to produce anything that would be of significant value to you. They enjoy hanging around you but do not bring anything to the table. 

6. Discouraging Associates - These are raiders of the dream. They will always tell you that you can’t make it, urging you to give up and throw in the towel. They will drag you down by pouring water on your ideas and planting fear in your mind. They are pessimists who discourage all your initiatives.

7. Camouflaged Associates - These are the most sly of all. Problem is unless you are very sensitive you can’t identify them. Camouflaged associates are all those people who will seem to be supportive but in the long-run are not really adding value to you. You have to master the art of uncovering their concealed intentions.

GOOD COMPANY

1. Encouraging Associates - These are superb individuals, having the golden word that you need at the right moment. They have a sincere desire to see you succeed and will do anything they can to encourage you along the way. They are very optimistic and delight in being encouragers.

2. Resourceful Associates - These are people who will share with you ideas, tools and strategies that will enable you become more effective at what you are doing. Resourceful associates can be counted on to help you grow. They build your potential by equipping you with what you need.

3. Mentoring Associates - These are people who will help you to grow and develop into all you can be. They will share with you constructive feedback that will enable you to sharpen your skills and talents. They are like guides who will walk with you step-by-step all the way to your destiny.

4. Trustworthy Associates - These are people whom you can trust with the details of your life. Most often these are usually very close friends and relatives. They will stand with you as you pursue your plans and will help you face the challenges of life. They are usually very credible and honest individuals.

5. Trailblazing Associates - These are people who are leading in areas in which you are interested in developing yourself. Connect with them and learn from them. They will help you learn from their mistakes. Their example alone is usually enough to inspire you to stay focused.

6. Visionary Associates - These are dream-builders. They cause the vision within you to come alive. They usually bring lots of ideas to the table and will put in a lot of effort in making those ideas work. They are goal-oriented and driven. They bring a lot of life to challenging situations. 

7. Empowering Associates - These are the ultimate type. They equip you with what you need in order to do what you need to. They will do everything to ensure that you have all you need as you work towards your goals. They will share knowledge, ideas, resources, tools and anything else that will keep you focused.

Bad corrupts good character. Choose your associates wisely because they can determine what kind of mark you make.

As a young kid growing up I used to hear many of the significant people around me say that charity begins at home. This particularly became a joke when my brothers and sisters would want some act of kindness or generosity from me. As I’ve advanced in age, I have come to realize that being charitable is simply one of the ways in which we can make a mark in society. Just like charity, making a mark begins at home.

The key to success in life is to have a set of values that guide one’s life. These values are best developed in a family environment. If we will make a mark, the needs of our families must come first. You cannot mess up in the family arena and expect to make a solid mark in society. Making a mark begins at home. What value would there be in making a difference all over the world yet being a wreck when it comes to making a mark with the people closest to you? You have to focus first on making a difference with those closest to you before you can make a significant mark with the rest of society.

When I was a kid I used to love it when my mom would wash the bedsheets. Mom had this theory that for bedsheets to smell fresh and nice you had to hang them in the open air. She set up a clothes line in the backyard where she would use wooden and plastic pegs to hang the sheets and have them dry. The fun, for me, came in two ways. First, my younger brother and I used to like running in between the sheets. Of course it drove my mom crazy but she also joined in the play, knowing that we were just kids having fun. Second, we enjoyed sleeping in the fresh bedsheets at the end of the day. The key to this whole process were the pegs she would use to hang the sheets. Without the pegs the bedsheets would simply fall to the ground and it would be impossible to dry them. 

This is exactly the same thing with other people’s opinions about you. My mom taught me that there are four key things that are important to observe when an older person is talking to you. I want to modify those four things to develop the idea of PEGS as key to increasing people’s opinions of you. Without using what I call PEGS, it is impossible to increase the opinion that people have of you when you are talking to them. What do I mean by this?

PEGS simply stands for Posture, Eye-contact, Gestures and Speech. Let us look at each of these:

Posture

Mom taught me that it was important to sit up when being talked to or when talkign to someone else. She added that if standing, it was important to stand with shoulders back and head upright. When you sit up or when you stand upright you convey to other people that you respect them. When people see that you have a high regard for them, they will naturally have a higher opinion of you. Your posture sends a louder message to people around you than the words that you use.

Eye-Contact

Mom taught me that it’s hard for people to tell whether you understand and are following them if you did not give good eye-contact. She also stressed the importance of looking at the people I was talking to so that they could see that I was being sincere and honest with them. Making eye-contact enables other people to know that you truly appreciate them. The eyes are the window to the soul. Eye-contact enables you to connect with those whom you are speaking to or anyone who is speaking with you.

Gestures

Mom taught me that any gestures I use during conversation should be purposeful and relevant because they will determine how other people view me. She taught me that if my gestures reflect hostility and contempt, people will not have a high opinion of me. Over the years, I have come to learn that there are three key gestures that people focus on: hand gestures, body gestures and facial gestures. Any gestures used should deliberately add value to the conversation.

Speech

Mom taught me that what you say and how you say it are both very important in determining people’s opinion of you. She urged me to always speak slowly and clearly, carefully choosing my words and making sure that I’m using appropriate language. Along with language, the tone of voice that one uses should communicate respect for the other party. This is particularly important when speaking in one-on-one settings or small group settings. Careful choice of speech will increase people’s opinion of you. 

Human beings are prone to the habit of giving each other a hard time, particularly when we find out that someone has committed a mistake. We all make mistakes. Personally, I believe that it would be impossible to count all the mistakes that I have ever made in life. They are just too many! What I have come to realize, though, is that I would not be where I am to day had some people not given me the benefit of doubt along the way. What do I mean by this?

Giving the benefit of doubt simply means believing something good of someone rather than something bad when you have the possibility of believing either of the two.  I remember many times in my childhood when my parents would give me the benefit of doubt after my sisters or brothers accused me of one thing or another. There were many times when my teachers gave me the benefit of doubt when I came to school with incomplete work or got into skirmishes with other students. These simple acts of belief contributed a lot in enabling me to prove that there was a lot of good in me.

Having that foundation of people believing good things about me has helped me to continually believe the best in others. There are times when I have been cut-off by other drivers on the road and I’ve silently told myself, “He or she must be in a hurry to get to work” or “Maybe they have a sick person at the hospital they are rushing to see”. This kind of thinking keeps me from going negative about the situation or incident.

The truth is that we cannot change other people. Giving the benefit of doubt is therefore our surest way of staying in a positive frame of mind as regards other people’s behaviors or actions. Giving the benefit of doubt communicates to the other person that we may not know what they are going through but we are willing to understand the situation. This keeps us from being stressed by people’s behaviors. Make a mark today by giving the benefit of doubt.