How to Make Your Mark

In Quest for Light, I have explored various ways in which we can gain knowledge that makes us more vibrant lin life. In this post I will outline some of the main thoughts in Chapter 1 of the book:

We live in a day in which we are are being faced with crucial decisions which need prudence - decisions on careers, education, partners etc. Every single individual has affairs to manage which require prudence e.g. families, businesses, personal lives, etc. Prudence is the ability to discern the most suitable or profitable course of action, it is the ability to govern and discipline oneself by the use of reason; it is sagacity or shrewdness in the management of affairs. There are six key elements that bring about prudence. Let us look at each of these:

(a) KNOWLEDGE

Knowledge is a person’s range of information. It is the enlightenment that one possesses. It is the opposite of ignorance (lack of knowledge). Someone once said, “What you don’t know may be killing you”. Knowledge is power. It is the key to effectiveness. Knowledge is the sum of what one knows. Your exploits in life are dependent on what you know. Knowledge is intelligence -practical understanding.

(b) UNDERSTANDING

To understand is to perceive the significance or explanation or cause or nature of. Understanding is a product of knowledge. You cannot understand what you do not know. It is the power of apprehension (grasping mentally; to seize something). It is the interpretation of what you know. The prudent man understands his ways. He knows the significance of the decisions he makes. He can explain the impulses determining his character and action.

(c) CAUTION

Caution is prudence. It is the avoidance of acting without consideration. It is looking before you leap. A prudent man seeks proof before believing what he is told. He makes a keen inquiry before proceeding with any course of action. Caution is terribly lacking in society. We must be cautious in making every decision. Haste makes waste. If you rush, you will crash. All that glitters is not gold. Take time to inspect it. Appearances are deceptive. Think first, then speak afterwards. Nothing is more often opened by mistake than the mouth.

(d) TEACHABILITY

A prudent man is apt to learn. He can be taught. Sadly, this is a quality that lacks in many individuals. Everyone feels that they have the right to do what they are doing- that theirs is the correct opinion. None is willing to admit that he or she is on the wrong and thus receive correction. Everyone feels that they have the right to do what is right in their own eyes, in the name of freedom.

(e) WISDOM 

Wisdom is a product of experience, knowledge and understanding. It is the possession of experience and knowledge together with the power of applying them critically and practically. Wisdom has the element of common sense in it. To be wise is to be sagacious (gifted with discernment). It is to be acute minded, shrewd and exceptionally intelligent. Wisdom is dependent on the individual. It was Michele de Montaigne who said that “We can be knowledgeable with other men’s knowledge, but we cannot be wise with other men’s wisdom”.

(f) FORESIGHT/DISCERNMENT

Foresight is the ability to foresee into the future. It speaks of discernment. To discern is to perceive clearly with the mind or senses. It is the ability to make out something by thought, gazing, listening etc. To be discerning is to have quick or true insight. Foresight is a child of insight. Insight is the ability to penetrate into the future with the understanding. The essence of prudence is foresight. Foresight enables you to make quality decisions that will not lead to undesired consequences. It gives you circumspection - the wisdom to take everything into account.

Let us embrace a more prudent lifestyle. Applying these six elements of prudence is the key to attaining a life that demonstrates prudence.

One of the most obvious and yet mysterious aspects of life is the elusive nature of the present moment. We spend so much of our time talking about and living in either the past or the future and fail to harness the power of our present. I find it powerful to note that many ancient traditions emphasize the power of the present. In the Bible it says, ”TODAY, is the day of salvation… NOW, is the time of salvation”. Present moments are powerful and it is important that we grasp their full power and use them to live our very best lives. 

Here is a two-part exercise that I think will be very fruitful:

I. Observe yourself in your next conversation. What is the predominant focus of the conversation? Is it the present, the past or the future?

II. Monitor the thoughts in your mind. Are you thinking most of the time about things you have already done or anticipate to do? How about the present?

We tend to be very good at thinking and talking about virtually anything from the past or future, but about the present moment itself, nothing can be said or thought. We need to harness the power of our present moments more. Life is lived in the present. Take the time to think about the present a lot more and you will improve many aspects of your life. 

When I was a kid I enjoyed seeing it rain. One of the reasons was because my parents had bought me a pair of boots that I always loved taking into the puddles of water that would be left behind after the rain subsided. So, while everyone around me was singing “Rain, rain, go away”, I was singing, “Rain, rain, make some puddles”. I don’t know whether you ever played in puddles of water or not, but for me playing in puddles was sheer exhileration. I would jump up and down, celebrate, kick water at my friends who loved puddles, run from puddle to puddle as I shouted joyfully, build a paper boat and play with it in the puddle, etc. Puddles were fun!

As I have grown up, I have somehow developed an aversion to puddles. I have become more cautious around puddles. Whenever I encounter one, I gingerly walk around it to avoid getting wet. I’ve even seen adults who curse at puddles. Maybe, for some, a car drives by and splashes water on them. That completely messes up their day. But I’ve seen kids burst out into excitement whenever cars splash water at them. Some kids will even purposely place themselves near a puddle so that a car can splash water on them as it drives by! Kids see puddles as opportunities for fun while adults see them as inconveniences to be avoided.

Life offers us many ‘puddles’. What determines the outcome of those puddles is our response to them. Attitude is therefore the key ingredient to successfully navigating life’s puddles. A great attitude will enable us to dance for joy and celebrate in the midst of those puddles. A poor attitude will leave us cursing and yelling at the puddles in life. Attitude therefore is the one key to success in life. How you respond to the situations that will come your way is key to your being able to navigate successfully through life.

Learn to enjoy your puddles and even have fun while going through them. After all, they won’t last forever. Time will come when all the water will seep into the ground, dry or drain away. No situation or circumstance lasts forever. Your responsibility is to work through it with a sense of joy. Your attitude will make you a winner.

Why is it that we rarely experience the full level of success that we can have in life? Research has revealed that most human beings rarely ever attain their full potential in life. One of the reasons for this, I think, is that we are easily lured to compete with each other. We spend so much time comparing ourselves with other people instead of investing that time in developing ourselves. If we are going to unleash our full potential we must overcome the pull of competition. There are primarily two key things we must grasp if we will overcome the pull of competition:

1. Every human being is unique and has a unique purpose - We are all gifted in diverse ways and have unique talents. It makes no sense to compete with another person or organization that has vastly different talents and gifts from ours. Our main quest should be to perfect our own particular gifts and talents so that we are at the end of the day, we can only compare ourselves against our potential. 

2. There is an abundant supply of everything to go around for everyone - Competition comes from the belief that there is not enough to go around; whether it’s money, resources, supplies or anything that people would compete for. There is a limitless supply of what we need and all we need to do is discover our personal creativity and make happen that which we were born to do. Success comes from finding your passion and pursuing it relentlessly.

You can overcome the lure of competition. Avoid the pull of competition. Step out of the rat race and run your own race. That is the key to unleashing your full potential in life.  

Life is like waves in the ocean. We go from success to problems to success to problems to crisis to challenges to success over and over again. No single wave is the same as the previous wave. Each wave is unique in and of itself. If we are going to be successful in life, we must understand that we can’t solve today’s problems with yesterday’s thinking. We’ve got to constantly upgrade our quality of thinking. The key to consistently being able to solve life’s problems is the consistent upgrade of our thinking.

How do we constantly upgrade our thinking? You’ve got to renew your mind oftenly through reading cutting-edge material that elevates and stretches your thinking, associate with thinkers who bring out the best in your mental faculties, daily review the basis of your thoughts, churn out thinking patterns that are old-fashioned and don’t work any more and listen to audio and video recordings that enlarge your thinking. You have to make a conscious effort of surrounding yourself with an environment that refines and improves your quality of thinking.  

I have been to many seminars and conferences where I’ve heard financial experts advice attendeees that the most important rule in money making is “Don’t Lose Money”. I’d like to put a different twist on that by talking about the most important rule in shaping your destiny - Don’t Lose Credibility. Credibility is perhaps the most important quality you will ever have in life. No one will follow you if you are not credible as a leader. No one will keep you as a friend if you continually lose credibility with them. No employer will keep you for long if you demonstrate a consistent lack of credibility.

Credibility is like money in your hands. You need money to make purchases. Now if you spend it unwisely, the less of it you will have to spend. When you lose credibility you lose the foundation from which you can influence other people. Nothing is more important than crebility in today’s world. The more credible you are, the more opportunity will come your way. The greatest thing you can do for yourself then is to develop a foundation of credibility. Choose to make credibility the number one pursuit in your personal and professional life.

Last night I saw this piece on a local TV show about two inventors who go to supermarkets for simply one reason - to look for the fatal flaws in products that are in the market. This habit alone has been rewarding to them because they have come up with more than 500 inventions and have patents to many inventions that have simply come up from looking for the fatal flaw in products.

Most of us, when we find fatal flaws in products, would either throw the product away, call the company and complain about it for hours or simply decide that we will never buy that product again. Not so for these inventors. When they find fatal flaws, they know that that’s a great opportunity. They look for ways in which they can improve on that product and correct the flaw through a new product of their own invention.

Look at flaws with a new eye - not as defects but as opportunities. You never know, that flaw may just turn out to be your greatest opportunity! Have a flawless day!

It’s been said many times by so many leadership gurus: “Leadership is influence, nothing more, nothing less”. But I’ve been thinking about that and I’ve come to the conclusion that there is one crucial element that we always miss - empathy. People don’t care how much influence you have until they experience how empathetic you are. The more that people feel that you are open and empathetic and sensitive to their needs and concerns, the more open they will be to your influencing them positively in some way. You have to “fit their shoes” before you can “ask for their hands”. Most people listen to the radio station WIIFM (What’s In It For Me?). So, before you try to influence people to your point of view, ask yourself, “Have I demonstrated empathy to them first?”

There’s a tendency among naive leaders of thinking that mentoring is a waste of time because there is no immediate payoff to the mentor. This thinking is mostly due to the fact that most of the transfer of input during a mentoring session is from the mentor to the mentee. Though this may seem to be the case, it is not entirely true. A good mentee brings tremendous value to the relationship too. A good mentee does three or four key things for a mentor. Here they are:

1. Prepares ahead of time - A good mentee prepares adequately before every meeting with a mentor. She studies, researches, prepares questions and uncovers crucial ideas that will make the meeting valuable. This has the added value of enabling the mentor to have increased appreciation of that time and commit to even more mentoring. 

2. Doesn’t make the mentor think for him - A mentoring relationship doesn’t mean that the mentee should check his brains at the door and have the mentor think for him. A mentoring meeting is not an assembly factory! Good mentees understand the power of being their very best thoughts to the relationship and taking the lead in charting direction.

3. Shares useful ideas with the mentor - Nothing is more rewarding to a mentor than a mentee who multiplies the mentor’s value. A mentoring relationship is a win-win relationship. It flourishes when both sides bring value to it - actually, in my opinion, most of the value should be from the mentee.

4. Promotes the mentor’s interests - Every mentor has key passions that make him or her tick. A good mentee finds out what those passions are for his or her mentor and does their best to promote them. Whether they are business, social, academic or health interests, a good mentee will promote the mentor’s interests. 

Now, mentoring is powerful. Dave Thomas said, “Instead of waiting for someone to take you under their wing, go out there and find a good wing to climb under.” But before you go, take time to really think about what you can bring to the table. Don’t be naive. You can make a difference to your mentor too!

We are just at the beginning of a new month - which happens to be at the very middle of the year. I don’t know what your resolutions were at the beginning of the year but have you kept up with them? Most people’s resolutions were about getting things. We live in a society of too many go-getters. Actually, this year a hip-hop song was released in which the artist harps on and on about how he is a go-getter. I want to urge you to embrace what I call the “Go-Giver Factor”.

Someone once observed that no one ever built a statue to a person to acknowledge what he or she got out of life. Statues are built only to people to acknowledge what they gave. The most powerful, influential and successful people you will ever meet always look for ways to do nice things for others. I am currently reading a little book titled, “The Power of Nice“, by Linda Kaplan and Robin Koval and it is simply a call on businessmen and women to conquer the world with kindness - in other words, be go-givers.

When you meet someone under almost any circumstance, one of the best questions you can ask is this: “Is there anything that I can do for you?” Always look for ways to put in rather than to take out. This philosophy has motivated me to volunteer with a couple of organizations that are making a huge difference in my city. Tom Brokaw once said, “It’s easy to make money; but it’s a lot harder to make a difference”. The difference maker of today is a “go-giver” more than a go-getter. Discover the Go-Giver Factor and your trajectory in life will be completely altered. As Henry David Thoreau says, “… you will live with the license of a higher order of being..”. Go ahead. Be a Go-Giver!